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'Starting therapy and seeing the impact of positive changes was wonderful, not only because it felt like I was slowly getting my life back, but it showed me something I had never thought possible - that you can heal the trauma from s*xual abuse.
The journey... was so beautifully freeing that it empowered me to continue the hard work of facing my own trauma and helping others heal theirs.'
- Dr. Jem Tosh CPsychol AFBPsS RCC
'S*xual Abuse and Surviving with(in) Psychology' published in #MeToo: Counsellors and Psychotherapists Speak About S*xual Violence and Abuse (2020).
Welcome! My name is Dr. Jem Tosh (they/she)
I am a Doctor of Psychology, a therapist, an educator, consultant, and an award-winning researcher and author. I specialise in the psychology of gender, sexuality, violence, abuse, and trauma.
I provide therapies that I have personally encountered during my own healing journey. I combine this knowledge from direct lived experience with an extensive career in research and years of working in a variety of clinical settings, to provide a deep and comprehensive understanding of violence, abuse, trauma, and healing.
I use a non-pathologising, anti-oppressive, and affirming approach that is trauma-centred. I analyse trauma responses as functional behaviours developed for survival, and work with clients to adapt or reduce responses that have become difficult or harmful over time. This includes a wide range of responses, such as flashbacks, nightmares, dissociation, insomnia, anxiety, low mood, and more.
One of the difficulties of childhood trauma and/or sexual abuse is that we often don't realise they are impacting us today. So those recurring issues that are preventing you from living a full and happy life, that you don't seem able to break free from, come and have a chat with me about them and let's heal your past so that you can thrive in the present.
Chartered Member of the British Psychological Society
Associate Fellow of the British Psychological Society
Full Member of the Canadian Psychological Association
Registered Clinical Counsellor in British Columbia
PhD in Psychology, Manchester Metropolitan University
Postgraduate Certificate in Counselling and Psychotherapy, Regents University London
BSc Psychology, First Class Honours, University of Liverpool, Chester College
I loved, loved, loved talking with Jem. I have knocked on many doors and talked to everyone who let me in and this was the first time that I felt received. It was like looking for water until you've resigned yourself to not finding any, and then hitting a spring in the desert.
- Consulting Client
Areas of Expertise: (please note that you may find this list triggering)
S*xual Abuse, including: childhood s*xual abuse, inc*st, drug facilitated s*xual abuse, s*xual abuse that has occurred in medical settings, s*xual abuse in romantic relationships, revenge p*rn (the nonconsensual sharing of s*xual images or videos), deepfake revenge p*rn (the nonconsensual creation and sharing of fake s*xual images and videos), s*xual assault by strangers, s*xual harassment and assault in the workplace, s*xual assault involving multiple perpetrators, 'corrective' r*pe (s*xual abuse that targets a person's gender and/or sexuality).
Violence and abuse: domestic violence, emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, bullying and harassment, bullying in the workplace, reparative abuse (e.g. forcing an individual to perform a different gender or sexuality), social exclusion and/or abuse targeting a person's identity.
Intersecting issues: Managing trauma responses (e.g. dissociation, flashbacks, nightmares, anger, people pleasing), gender dysphoria as a survivor of s*xual abuse, untangling sexuality from sexual trauma, neurodivergent people's experiences of abuse, trauma, and healing.
Inclusive and Affirming Practice:
I work with clients from a range of different relationship structures, such as monogamous and polyamorous relationships, and sexualities, such as heterosexuality, bisexuality, and asexuality. I work with survivors of all genders.
For family members, partners, and loved ones of queer, trans, and nonbinary people, I recommend booking a consultation with me rather than therapy, as the focus is predominantly psychoeducational (i.e providing information and answering questions in a supportive space).
Consent is central to my work and my experience as a survivor of violence and abuse. I do not work with perpetrators or those involved in the perpetration of nonconsensual relationships.
Jem is extremely knowledgeable, patient, and really listens to you. She helped me see things in a completely new way, not by just telling me, but by helping me understand my experience better.
After every session I feel like the 'fog has lifted' and things are clearer. You can tell through every interaction that she genuinely wants to help. I have become a more confident person and feel more comfortable in my own skin.
- Therapy Client
As a discourse analyst, I have a keen appreciation of the importance of language in processing trauma and the effectiveness of narrative-based therapies. I also incorporate therapies that help heal the embodied trauma of violence and abuse, and neuropsychological reprocessing of traumatic memories (such as via eye movements/EMDR and memory work). My focus is on healing the underlying trauma, going beyond talking therapies, to neutralise triggers, reduce nightmares, and make being in your body feel safe again (or for the first time).
I have dedicated my career to advocating and supporting survivors of all genders - including cisgender and transgender men and women, as well as nonbinary and intersex people. I work to create awareness about different kinds of (often under-reported) perpetrators, such as women who s*xually abuse.
I also consider the important role of context and power in working with survivors of abuse, and have researched s*xual abuse cases that are often dismissed because of where they occurred, such as s*xual abuse in medical settings, as well as the intersections of gender, sexuality, race, class, and disability and experiences of violence and abuse.
Want to know more about my research? Check out our Research Institute.
Want to know more about neuropsychological reprocessing? Check out our description of EMDR Therapy.
Please note that due to rising local cases of COVID, counselling is currently only available online.
In-Person appointments are available in downtown Langley, BC. There is lots of free parking and we are walking distance from a range of local and independent shops, cafes, and restaurants.
I have completed additional training to provide virtual therapy and have dedicated a signifiant portion of my research career to online communication. If you want therapy in the comfort and privacy of your own home, I offer face-to-face video calls that are end-to-end encrypted and provide the highest level of privacy recommended by cybersecurity experts. I also provide additional guidance on how to make the most of your virtual sessions.
I'm impressed by the extent to which Jem not only demonstrates above average knowledge of privacy and data sharing concerns, but has taken steps to ensure clients' confidentiality and data privacy in line with that high level of expertise.
I think this very much separates Jem from most clinicians. Jem takes steps that are far beyond average and more than the vast majority of people working in this sector.
- Alexis Fabricius
Researcher of Women's Health and Digital Technologies
University of Guelph
I am a queer, nonbinary, neurodivergent, Irish immigrant. I am also a survivor of chronic and complex s*xual abuse. I grew up during The Troubles in Northern Ireland before moving to England to study psychology. I moved to Canada after completing my PhD and I now live in Langley, BC with my partner. I like rock and metal music, science fiction and horror, graphic novels, and arts and crafts.
Want to know more about how my lived experience as a survivor has impacted on my career? You can read this chapter.
Want to check out my analysis of some geeky, metal, or horror texts? You can read my analysis of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in this Special Issue of Asylum Magazine on Comics and Mental Health. You can read my analysis of how heavy metal can be healing for trauma or find out more about our Centre for Critical Metal Studies. You can watch my discourse analysis of horror films in our Lecture Library.
Got questions or want more information? Send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. Please do not send private or confidential information via personal or professional email accounts. If you need to disclose something private, please send the message to email@example.com and I recommend setting up an anonymous ProtonMail account to send it from.
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